Zoo Logical A Screenplay by Ace Walker June 1998 (H) Montage: The six main characters are each doing their own thing. Voice over-- h h # PAUL (VO) I wonder what it must have been like to be the first unfortunate animal to feel the sting of self-recognition burn through the ganglion mass between your ears. To be the very first in history to raise your eyes from the ground, tilt your head, furrow your brow in that singular expression that defines humanity still. To be the father of nagging thought. I picture it as an itch, a draft, an irritation that this unfortunate beast would feel compelled to scratch or cover up. To eliminate as a discomfort should be eliminated, but this darkness in the guise of enlightment could not be brushed away, can not still, and in it's meanest of forms can never be killed. What would it be like to be the first carrier of a disease that would spread like bubonic plague through the population until a point of no return was reached and the only way out was up? To unintentionally sire a tortured race of men, doomed to chaotic schizophrenia in the development of a second mind, a SuperEgo where once there was only Id. At one point it may have been possible to stop this madness by deliberate elimination of problematic specimens in the gene pool, but now it's all over, it's too late-- except for maybe holographic fooz-ball. INT. - APPARTMENT PARTY - NIGHT Dan is lying upside down on a reclining chair farting around with the keybox. A girl CINDY (17) is sitting cross legged at the base of the chair giggling intermittently and concentrating on a spot on the floor. They're both really drunk. $ €%€%€% h h # DAN (VO) Traffic death as it realtes to intoxication is truly not a thing to be taken lightly. More people die in their cars while under the influence of alchohol than died in all tweleve years of the Vietnam war or something and you can't forget the multitude of unfortunate unindulgent men and women that provide resitance for alcoholic crashes in the first place. In all cases, driving drunk is about equal in intelligent actions to allowing a primate to chauffer your car in fifth while you hold nails in your mouth and shave, so my buddy Gabe and I have brewed up a little trick to keep us safely out of the newspapers and government statistics. We have this box, see, with a selectable combination lock. It's one of those types with the keyed number reels that slip off the center shaft when it's open and lock back together in whatever arbitrary order is convinient at the time. Anyway, before we enter an establishment suspicious of the dealings of alcoholic drinks, we lock the keys up and set the five digit combo to some wild-ass number that we each memorize by several verbal repetitions and/or strange mnumonic inventions, then one of us pockets the thing and if, by the end of the night, niether one of us is sober enough to remember the combination or especially if niether one of us is bright enough to remember who has the thing in the first place, well then we gotta get a ride with someone else, or find a place to sleep that isn't home; come back for the car in the morning. Actually, after a couple cold nights in strange people's garages or living rooms, and one particularly memorable nap in a cardboard recycling bin, Gabe and I got Mouse to replace the ignition column with a ? seperate key so that we could at least sleep in the car if not drive it, and he even wired the tape deck short of the accessory break so we could wear the battery down while we selpt off our repective quantities of sin. I think this is gonna be another one of those nights. $ €%€%€% h h # CINDY What are you doing, Dan? h h # DAN Mmmm... h h # CINDY Dan... h h # DAN What? h h # CINDY What are you doing? h h # DAN Nothing. h h # CINDY Let me see it... h h # DAN No, I'm not guessing. I know the combination. h h # CINDY Well, what is it? h h # DAN 2-16-7-9... h h # CINDY (Holding the box) 16? h h # DAN Did I say that? h h # CINDY There's no-- h h # DAN There's no 16 on that wheel. It's just 1 and 3 and 0 and stuff. Cindy concentrates in disappointment as she trys to open the box. It's locked. $ €%€%€% h h # CINDY Ohhhh... What's in it? h h # DAN What would you like to be in it? h h # CINDY Would I like to be in it? No! It's too small! Cindy giggles. h h # DAN ? ( What would you like to be in it? h h # CINDY It won't change will it? Does it matter? h h # DAN No, I'm just wondering what... you... It's one of those things you just say, okay? h h # CINDY A key to... Dan looks over in shock to see if she's actually opened it. h h # CINDY ... a world where the men are handsome and the women are beautiful and it's sunny all the time, and there's lots of palm trees and dolphins and... Cindy trails off. h h # DAN Actually, it's the key to my car, but it's a nice car. h h # CINDY (Disappointed) Awww... h h # DAN You wanna see it? I think I $ €%€%€% parked it out front. h h # CINDY Oooh. (Suggestively) Why? h h # DAN Because I wanted to clear out quick if the cops show up and... uh, it's got a pretty nice sound system and stuff... GABE (18) shows up at the side of the chair and dangles the keys in question in front of Dan. h h # GABE Only now it's out back, Romeo. I moved it. Street cleaners. h h # DAN Huh? Dan puts his ear to the box and shakes it, frowning. h h # DAN & Oh hell, Gabe. You can't cheat like that... h h # GABE Aw, what the -- what the fuck, Dan. I'm not drinking tonight anyway. h h # DAN That's your problem, man... Gabe sits down on the arm of the chair. h h # GABE Yeah, it's probably one of 'em. h h # DAN Your problem is that you haven't been drinking at all. h h # GABE Well you've been doing enough for both of us. $ €%€%€% h h # CINDY Have a drink, Gabe... h h # GABE No, thanks, ...Cindy? I'm not doing that tonight. h h # DAN (Sigh) What am I gonna do with you? h h # GABE I don't know, but whatever it is, what say we do it somewhere else, huh? People are already starting to fall asleep in the bathroom and I can feel little tobacco plants growing in my lungs... Cindy explodes into hysterical laughter. Gabe jumps and looks over, then recovers slowly, casting a disconcerted look over at Cindy. h h # GABE Besides, I'd say this party is pretty well over... h h # DAN The party's never over. h h # GABE Well, that was a bold philosophical generalization for being shit-faced drunk, Dan. Dan gets clumsily to his feet. h h # DAN Actually, I'm thinking pretty clearly right now, thanks. h h # GABE Oh, not on my account I hope. You wanna ask Cindy if there's anywhere we can take her to? h h # DAN (Perplexed. Wispering) We? I don't think she's that kind of $ €%€%€% girl, chief. h h # GABE (With patience) Ask her if she wants a lift home? h h # DAN I guess. Hey, Cindy, do you need a ride? We're shipping off now I think, and we're probably going your way. h h # CINDY I think I was supposed to go with... Linda, but I don't... know where she is... ? h h # GABE Well there's some chick passed out in the guest room. Black lip-stick and some wierd-ass (Gestures vaugely around his body) frilly...? h h # CINDY Oh no, I have to be home for church tomarrow! h h # DAN (To Gabe) A religious girl. h h # GABE (To Cindy, helping her up) @ @ 8 Yeah, then you should probably come with us... we'll just drop you off on our way home... Cindy drunkenly invades Gabe's personal space. He looks kind of nervous and physically directs her towards Dan who helps her stand up straight. h h # GABE Where's home for you, Cindy? h h # CINDY (Distant, nodding off) Marin... Gabe looks in dejection at Dan who is holding Cindy who has fallen asleep in his arms. Dan slowly looks perplexed $ €%€%€% and gets that far away look of trying hard to remember why the situation sucks. ? X EXT. - CINDY'S PORCH - NIGHT Dan and Gabe are standing on the porch of Cindy's house way the hell out in the sticks at 4 in the morning. There's really only one road out there and it terminates at her driveway. h h # CINDY (Groggy) Are you sure this isn't out of your way? h h # DAN (Reassuringly) Oh, no... Gabe jerks his thumb over his shoulder. h h # GABE Tss.. we're only a couple counties that way. h h # CINDY (Leaning forward to kiss Dan) Thanks, Dan... Dan gently, soberly puts his hand to her lips and curtails her general intentions. h h # DAN No problem, Cindy, now go get some sleep, okay? You've gotta go to church tommarow... Cindy hugs Dan instead. h h # CINDY Yeah, yeah... Church... h h # GABE You gonna be okay finding your way in the dark? h h # CINDY $ €%€%€% I'll be fine... h h # GABE Great. Well, I'll guess we'll never see you again or anything... h h # CINDY (Ignoring Gabe) Good bye, Dan. Call me huh? Cindy gives Dan a slip of paper with her number on it. h h # DAN Sure, Cindy. Goodnight. Cindy stares at Dan for a while, then turns around and goes inside, closing the door behind her. Gabe and Dan walk back to the car. h h # GABE You gonna call her? h h # DAN No, man, she's not gonna remember this in the morning anyway. h h # GABE Nice girl, though. h h # DAN Sure. They get to the car and slip into their seats. INT.- DAN'S CAR - NIGHT Gabe fires up the engine and starts the car back down the dirt road to the freeway. h h # GABE You don't seem very drunk, now, Dan. h h # DAN Well, you know, after you do it enough to know how to act, you can pretty much cut beer out of the equation entirely. I'm buzzed enough though. I'll hurt plenty in the morning. $ €%€%€% h h # GABE You had a good time, then? h h # DAN Sure. I mean, some of that shit was off the hook. The guy with the trumpet, man... h h # GABE (Laughing) ( Yeah, seriously. I'd like to hear him when he's sober. h h # DAN Yeah, I think I have. He's part of Zander's band I think? You know all that ska shit. Glen Zander... Is he ska? h h # GABE (Bitterly) ( Oh, that's your scene, man. I just play video games all day. Dan looks at Gabe and the beginning of offense show in his eyes. h h # DAN I never said... Look, I was just making a joke. If you can't take a little humor you should-- h h # GABE It just makes me feel kind of stupid and all. I mean it's hard enough impressing girls with that whole schtick anyway, then you go and put an image like that in their head. Like me in Keds and a backwards A's cap in front of a Nintendo with a f-cking bag of chips or something... h h # DAN She knew it was a joke, Gabe, she laughed for Christ's sake. What more could you ask for? h h # GABE At me, dipshit, I could ask to laugh WITH her maybe. $ €%€%€% h h # DAN Oh, man, I didn't think you'd take it that way. I'm sorry I did that to you, but she wasn't laughing at you. She likes you, really, what was her name again? Kelley something Cage? She's a real -- (He motions in the air) -- looker, man. You could do a HELL of a lot worse than that on your first try. h h # GABE It's not my first try, ignatz, and she doesn't like me enough apparently because she just hung out with that barrel-necked thug she came in with the whole time and didn't hardly look at me more than once except when she was pointing and laughing. h h # DAN Well, she's obviously with that guy she was with, man. h h # GABE No, No, no, no. h h # DAN Why no? It kind of looked that way to me. h h # GABE He's nothing, that's why. I could beat the teeth out of that greasy steriodic... h h # DAN What are you gonna drop a CPU on his ass? h h # GABE Or your ass, you prick. h h # DAN Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I was just screwing around. $ €%€%€% h h # GABE (Pulling the car over) ` ` 4 You know, I should just make you walk. h h # DAN What? Oh, you've gotta be kidding me. I don't even know where we are, man, look, don't be like this, okay? I said I'm sorry. h h # GABE Say I'm really big. h h # DAN Your ripped. h h # GABE Say I'm smart. h h # DAN Your smart. h h # GABE Say I've got a future. h h # DAN You do. h h # GABE Say... Dan looks at his watch. Gabe notices and hauls up on the parking brake. h h # GABE I hope you've wearing comfy shoes, buddy. h h # DAN Look, I don't even... I don't have to take this shit from you... this is MY fucking car for crying out loud. Gabe lightens up and pulls the car back onto the freeway, gathering speed. h h # GABE (Immitating Harrison Ford) $ €%€%€% Yeah, but who's gonna drive it, kid, you? h h # DAN (Doing Mark Hamill) You bet I could, I'm not such a bad driver myself. h h # GABE Alright! ...but you're drunk and being a friend and responsible citizen in good standing I can't let you do that, so I'll let you stick around... Just try to keep your mouth shut about Kelley and her GNC freak boyfriend, and I won't make you pay me. h h # DAN Why would you wanna beat that guy up anyway? What makes you think he doesn't deserve her? h h # GABE Well, I just asked you to not to talk about that, but since we're obviously not paying attention to little details, I DON'T not think he doesn't deserve her... h h # DAN (Confused) Woah. h h # GABE I just think I deserve her more. h h # DAN Well, you don't even know the guy and all, but even if you did and it turns out that you deserve the girl eight times more than bench-press Bruce: eater of steel, how does that really help your situation at all? What does that do for you? h h # GABE Did you have ANYTHING to drink at all? h h # DAN $ €%€%€% Why? h h # GABE Well, except for the astoundingly incoherent syntactical construction of that last argument, it was a pretty collected and insightful thing to ask, Dan. h h # DAN Well thanks for your approval, Gabe. I feel existentially vindicated now. h h # GABE And you're right, Dan. My complaint banks on a sense of universal fairness and arbitration that I can't logically endorse. So even if I do deserve Kelley (which is an arbitrary judgement from the beginning), there's no reason that I should end up with her instead of, say, Charles Manson or that stupid guy who does the diamond adds on the radio. h h # DAN (Sleepily) Diamond adds? Tom Shane? h h # GABE Yeah. h h # DAN (Yawning) How the f-ck did Tom Shane get into this conversation? h h # GABE I was just thinking of people that annoy me, and seem unworthy by my own illogical standard of manliness. h h # DAN And you came up with Tom Shane. Hmm, that's a bad rap. h h # GABE He has no emotion, man, doesn't that bother you? What kind of a man is that, anyway? He's probably evolved $ €%€%€% into a digital computer voice algorythm or something. They just keep him on disk until they think the public is about recovered from their last banal spot, then they drag him out again just to piss everyone off. Dan folds his arms and huddles against the door. h h # DAN Hmm... I don't think that's true, but I don't wanna do the work to disprove it, so I think I'll just settle for falling asleep... h h # GABE Alright, but if I slip off too because you're not here to talk to me, we're both gonna die and somehow everyone'll know it was your fault. h h # DAN Okay. h h # GABE Good night, Dan. h h # DAN 'Night Gabe. Gabe driving along with some Oldies song playing quitely on the radio. Translucent overlays of Gabe's life drift in and out. His voice over this montage-- h h # GABE (VO) Computer Science majors are probably the reason we have Social Science and Psychology majors in the first place. As an evolutionary specimen, they are both the fathers and the fodder of progress; the martyrs of that stupid movement in an arbitrary direction that everyone calls "up" or "forward". They are the ones who suffer most from the disease, and yet they are the ones who feed it and nuture it's ? # growth. ... From the cradle there may be nothing wrong with a computer $ €%€%€% scientist, but that's for the psychologists to figure out. All that is certain is that at some point, somewhere in this toddling techies life something throws a shoe. A periphery consideration goes off-line and the cycle of exodus begins the unwholesome friendship with evolution that defines the rare hell of the computer scientist. Let's say because it's easy to imagine that the tike gets sandbagged with genetics, no far stretch of reason, and the kid is fat or funny-looking. Well I don't know if you've been out to a playground recently, but it's a eye-openning microcosm of primordial $ savagery down there, and the kid in question and maybe a dozen or so other fat or wierd-looking yet otherwise perfectly ligitimate little punks get pushed off into a corner to mill around by themselves at which point, in a purely evolutionary model they should die. It wouldn't sound right for me to pass judgement on this one way or the other, but it is a fact that with a structured society, outcasts such as these (especially ostensibly untested children) do not die, and they grow up to be college students driving their drunken buddies home on Saturday nights and talking to themselves. Gabe is mumbling to himself and reaches down to tune in the radio. But since I'm getting ahead of myself, it's important to understand that after this initial rejection in the first tender stages of life, something begins to change in the mind of this child. At first it is naively uncertain that there is anything wrong, but it only takes junior high school and several classes with taunting aspiring sports heroes to drive it home. The kid recoils from social contact of any kind and thinks to himself, whether he words it this way or not "fuck society. They don't want me, I don't want them. They think I don't fit in with them well $ €%€%€% they can kiss my ass. They probably don't fit in with me." This mentality is encouraged by people close to the youngster because it seems to promote self confidence and independance, but in reality it is in fact a forwarding notice indicating that residence in the mammal portion of the mind has been eradicated and the kid is slowly starting to migrate to that new neighborhood built for us by evolution where he's gonna realize soon enough that he can not live forever. But he tries. He takes to numbers, electronics, especially computers, and piles hard drives and cooling fan assemblies against the door leading back to the world that rejects him, but in doing so he sets up the paradox that defines the irony of man's ridiculous condition, and cuts off his supply of air. So, at about 14, when he's starting high-school, it suddenly hits him that there's something back out there in society he forgot to bring along when he left, and he's gonna have to go back for it. What is it then? Friends? Not being actually autistic or anything and maybe having grown out of his "fat phase" by a stroke of commendable luck, he's got a couple. It's not food. It's not oxygen or a place to sleep. He really never needed any more than that before, but the rules changed on him somewhere between fifth grade and now, and a hole was drilled in him that grew bigger like a torn sail the longer it remained unfixed. He has to go back into the jungle and bring back a girl. And when he finally moves back all the crap he stacked there to protect himself, and opens the door he'd wished for so long didn't even exist, a new world awaits him outside. One that looks deceptively like the one he left originally, but in this world he is now a stranger, and he is treated that way. Although it may not be the same juvenile mockery he was used to in the sixth grade, there is still a $ €%€%€% definitive wall between him and everyone else, clear as plexiglass, but unbreakable. This is where computer scientists differ individually. One school of thought walks right back to the village on the hill where they hid the first time, this time determined to make it work, and build a reality of their own there where they won't need to worry about the jungle below. These are the builders that make the village bigger, and chip away at the trees of the jungle, slowly replacing them with plastic ones that look even nicer and don't burn or lose leaves in the winter. The other school is a rare breed, I guess. Guys like me. Who try to bring the two worlds together, but find tragically that in doing so, they become a foriegner to both. ...Anyway, that's my little story. I thought it might explain things especially why my antics are so strictly Australian to Dan's, say, or Mike's. They seem to have the jungle down cold and are trying to gain citizenship to the village, and I'm passing them coming back the other way in my Pinoccio crusade to fill in the parts of my life that I missed earlier and finally learn to be a real boy. ? 8 Scene03 : Scene starts on the cat looking up at Rick. Rick is standing in his kitchen early in the morning. He's wearing a beater or something and he's ill-shaven so that the morning effect is most pronounced. He's also holding a rolled-up newspaper and talking to the cat. He looks placidly frusterated (if that's possible). ? h Rick: Roll over... Roll over... Roll over... Roll ? 0 over ?... Drool. Good. We're making progress. [Paul enters similarly attired and rubbing his eyes; starts pouring himself some cereal. Usual uninterested monotone] Paul: Training the cat? Rick: Stupid animal. I wish we had a dog. Paul: No you don't. You love that cat. Rick: I have no love for this cat. Paul: Yes you do. Rick: Look at him, Paul. What's to love? There's nothing inside that animal's head but dead lizards and milk. Paul: You're being unneccessarily harsh. He's got a brain, and even if he didn't that has very little to do with love in the first place. Rick: He does not have a brain. Paul: Watch this. Hey, Einstien, got some food for you here. [Einstein the cat patters over to Paul] Paul: What do you call that. Rick: A sense of smell. Paul: I haven't openned the can yet. $ €%€%€% Rick: It still doesn't demonstrate sh-t. The very fact that Einstien exists at all is testiment to his ability to home in on food when it's around. Paul: Okay, well ask him to yell. Rick: Why? Paul: You'd better hurry up. Rick: Okay. Einie, yell. [Einstien yowls] Rick: Nah, he was gonna do that anyway. Paul: [Openning the can] Whatever. The point is that he knows he needs to attract attention to himself if he's gonna get what he wants. What more intelligence could you ask of anybody. Rick: That they know how to roll over. Paul: If anyone can get through life without learning that ability they're truly blessed. Rick: [Yelling at Einie who's eating from his dish] Roll over! Paul: He doesn't speak english, moron. Gahh, sometimes I think you were adopted. Rick: Well what language does he speak? Should I try spanish? Esperanto? Paul: Ah, the universal language. That's a good idea. Make it worth his while. Offer him food. Rick: He's already got food. Paul: And he's fixed, too. That's rough. Rick: What should I try, then? Paul: I think right now he's a bit beyond your reach. You'll have to wait 'till he's hungry again. Rick: Stupid cat. Einstien, you're a stupid cat. Paul: Have it your way. [Rick picks up the box of cereal and pours himself a bowl] Rick: [Mumbling] Someone's gotta teach that rat sh-t mammal to evolve... Paul: Why go and ruin a good thing? ? ! Scene04 : A couple days later. Dan and Gabe are eating lunch in the elevators of some random office complex. When they get to the top floor, they walk across the hall and get in the elevator on the oposite side and ride it to the bottom, $ €%€%€% then repeat while they talk. DAN ...Aw the band's doing okay, I guess. Devin keeps breaking his stupid set though, and somehow he's getting us all to pitch in for it. Which is dumb really because it's not even remotely anybody's fault but his own, and it costs like f-cking 500 bucks every time he busts one of the... you know, the... stretchy... h h # GABE The percussion membrane? DAN Membrane?! I'm talking about a drum set, man. h h # GABE So am I. What would you call it? A drum head? I don't know. DAN Yeah, well it's something like that, but "membrane" sounds like something you'd find in your ear or something. I'm not sure-- h h # GABE It's the same idea. 'Same mechanism almost. Anyway, we're talking about the same thing, right? That tight skin thing that stretches over the drum body 'you hit with the sticks? DAN Yeah. h h # GABE Well then I don't see why we should get in a symantic argument over it if we're both in agreement about the concepts involved. DAN Maybe, but... h h # GABE I mean, a word is really just a reminder of a premise or an object. Since we both seem to have arrived at the same object concomitantly in our minds, I don't see any reason to go back and systematically $ €%€%€% reverse engineer the labels. What are you doing? DAN [Staring Gabe right in the eye] Your fly's unzipped, but you couldn't tell that from just looking at me could you? h h # GABE [Zipping up his fly with embarassment] Oh Jeez! DAN That's why we discuss things with words instead of relying on concomitant convergence of thought, boy genius. h h # GABE I wasn't trying to promote telepathy. I was just saving us both from a very boring conversation about drum membranes. DAN Heads. h h # GABE Whatever. DAN At least you tried... Anyway I was gonna go visit Mouse at the gym today. Maybe get a work out in or something. You interested in coming or do they have you working after lunch now? h h # GABE [Unhappy][Legubrious exhalation] I'm putting in mad hours on this wave-table compressor. Somebody forgot to tell the brilliance and innovations department it's not the eigthies anymore, and we're taking MIDI to insane new levels obsolescence. When I'm done, they'll be able to hard-wire this sh-t onto the head of a pin. I've never spent more time on less lines of code in my life. DAN Well, that's what you're getting paid big bucks for, right? h h # GABE Or something. Yeah, anyway, I guess I won't be able to go with you then, which $ €%€%€% sucks. [Looking at his watch] Hmmm. Give Mike my regards though. I've gotta get back to work. Hey, I'll see you at the barbecue this sunday, huh? DAN Oh yeah, I wouldn't miss it. Okay, check you later, Gabe, give 'em hell. h h # GABE Whatever. ? Scene05 : Dan's car is parked outside the gym. He's inside now spotting Mouse on the bench. Mouse is putting up an insane amount of weight with little effort, but he's not a very big guy. DAN I hear you got a role in Paul's new movie, Mouse. Mouse: Yeah. I get to be a nuclear scientist or something. DAN You get a copy of the script? Mouse: Sure, Paul sent me one when I said I'd help him out, but I don't remember where I put it. I'll probably just read it real quick at the last minute, anyway. DAN Who else is in it? Mouse: [Putting up his last rep] Hhhmmgrh! [Sitting up and turning sideways] Uh... Rick, John, ... Jason I think. DAN What's it called? Mouse: [Removing plates for Dan's set] It's about vampires or... no it's a modern were-wolf, flick I think, I don't know what it's called, but he's doing something weird with it. I think he's making a statement about human nature or something. Isn't that what he always does? DAN Pretty much. I'm going up, I think. Mouse: What to? DAN Just add another five, I haven't been in here for a while. Mouse: [Adding a five] No sin in that. At least you $ €%€%€% found your way back. DAN [Lying own on the bench] So when do you start shooting? Mouse: Well, you know the whole barbecue thing this sunday kind of kicks it off. Paul says he likes to do that so all the cast can get to know each other and the crew can get something good to eat for the last time in a month. I think everyone in the project's gonna be there. DAN [Pushing] He didn't actually say he "liked" to do it, though, right? I mean, those are just your words. Mouse: [Laughing] Well, yeah. You know, he said something like "I do it so everyone can get to know each other, blah blah blah...". I don't think I've ever heard him concede to finding personal pleasure in anything. DAN So you're gonna be at the barbecue then? Mouse: Yeah. What about you? I hear Gabe's helping in post-pro again, so he'll probably be there, and Will's gonna be there cause he's supposed to be helping out with sound. DAN Yeah! [Last rep] I usually grip, so I think I'll show up and play the field. Mouse: [Switching weights] Well, I work on the don't ask don't tell policy, especially with you, so I don't know how you swing on this issue, but there may not be much of a field to play. I mean, Jenny's gonna be there and Rebecca Lentz... DAN Mmmmm... Becky Lentz... Mouse: ...But they both found really big guys in college I think, so I wouldn't push your luck. Then there's some girl from Emeryville or something. I have a couple scenes with her, but I don't know how she looks... DAN Not like it matters or anything. [Mouse, about to lift the bar, pauses and looks at Dan. Dan's looking around, but struck by the lack of activity looks at Mouse, who gives him the "come on, be honest" $ €%€%€% look] DAN Alright, it's just one of things you have to say, okay? Keep lifting. Composite2: Everyone doing different stuff. Paul(VO): So who's smarter? Man or mammal? Who's better off? On one hand, we have a dichotomy of biological mechanisms living from hand to mouth with three simple directives and no apparent desire to improve their worldy situations beyond what is needed to merely exist, and on the other hand we have an insatiable race of existentially concsious bi peds with no apparent desire to exist beyond what is needed to merely improve their wordly situations. It seems laughable to consider one any better off than the other. And in most cases, any different. ? 0 Scene06 : Later. Rachel and Mike are in a burger joint. They're holding hands across the table. Rachel is fussing over Mouse's knuckles. Rache: Aww... Mike, look at your knuckles... Mouse: What about 'em? Rache: They're all beat up. Mouse: Oh, they can take it. Abuse makes 'em tough. Rache: I thought you weren't using the bag anymore. Mouse: [Looking distractedly] I changed my mind. Rache: Why? Mouse: Oh, I don't know, I just have to keep on it is all, or it gets past me, you know? Rache: Then let it pass, Mike, you don't need to hurt yourself. [Softly] You don't have anything to prove... Mouse: It really doesn't hurt that much. It's just cartilage and bone. Mainly bone. Rache: Well, that's all your nose is... Mouse: Not much bone in your nose. Rache: I just wish you-- I wish you wouldn't cut yourself up like that. Why don't you use your gloves any more? Mouse: Rachel, baby, you're starting to sound like my Mom. I like the blood okay? I kind of like the pain. It's hard to describe... But anyway, I $ €%€%€% don't wanna talk about me, okay? Let's talk about you. What have you been up to? Rache: Just working. Mouse: [Taking a sip from his drink] Uh huh. You still doing that whole spot on architecture? Rache: Yeah, I did the Fort Mason deal today. It was so beautiful! Like, the sun was out and it came out of the clouds right above the bridge... I was out of film though, isn't that funny? I was kind of bummed at the time, but it's okay because I ended up getting an even better shot once I reloaded. Mouse: That's what I've always liked best about you, anyway. Rache: What's that? Mouse: Your boyancy. Rache: Oooh. How romantic. Really, you like that the best? Mouse: Well it's a toss up between that and about a dozen other things, but it works into the conversation right now, so, you know, sure. Rachel: Oh, Mike, your just a shameless flirt. Mouse: Come here, I'll show you how shameless I am. [Rachel slips around the table and they sit near each other wrapped up in embrace. Mouse whispers to her and she giggles and hits him, then she puts her head on his shoulder and they sit there facing opposite directions, Mouse's eyes rove over the room from a ring of punks over near the door looking wolfishly in his direction and talking sinfully among themselves, laughing, to guys at other tables. All looking at him. His muscles tighten] Rache: Mike. Mike! You're hurting me. Mouse: [Coming around with a strong reaction] Oh God, I'm sorry! [Wiping her hair back and putting his forehead to hers] Are you alright? Are you okay, baby? Rache: [Softly, but sad, tears in her eyes, conscious of Mike's on-going dilemma] I'm fine. Yeah. I'm fine, Mikey. I'm fine... ? Scene07 : Gabe and Paul are running screen tests of temporary footage. Rick is reclining on some of the studio equipment and making a nuisance of himself. Rick: Gabe... Gabe... $ €%€%€% h h # GABE [Never moving his eyes from the display] What, Rick? Rick: Gabe... h h # GABE What, Rick? Rick: Gabe... h h # GABE What the f-ck do you want, Rick? Rick: Would you date a bisexual, Gabe? h h # GABE What?! Girl? Maybe, I don't know. I'm actually doing work here, Rick. Rick: Come on, Gabe... h h # GABE Ask Paul. Rick: Paul... Paul: Yes, Gabe, I would date a bisexual girl if she met my impossibly unrealistic aesthetic standards. Rick: Why? Paul: I'd date anyone that met my impossibly unrealistic aesthetic standards. So few people do, I don't think I could afford to be choosy about something as meaningless in a relationship as sexual preference. I probably couldn't afford to be choosy about gender at all, actually. Rick: Oh... [Pause] ? Rick: I'd date a bisexual girl, you know why? Paul(s): No. Gabe(s): Tell us, Rick. Rick: Because a girl who looks at girls knows what you're looking for in her, right? h h # GABE [Completely uninterested monotone] That's pretty well thought out, Rick. Paul: Albeit not neccessarily true. [Pointing to the screen] Oh, that's good. I l-- people will like that. $ €%€%€% h h # GABE [Laughing] Yeah, they probably will. Rick: Why not Paul? Paul: You don't know what DC chicks look for in other girls. What if they really dig personal scarification or something? It might not effectively overlay what a guy looks for in a girl, and that wouldn't help you out at all. Rick: Well, yeah... Paul: And it almost certainly wouldn't intermesh ? with what you personally look for in a girl. Even Gabe's preferences probably don't do that. Rick: What do you look for in a girl, Gabe? h h # GABE I never got close enough to know. Rick: Aw, you must have a set of preferences, though. h h # GABE I do, but it changes a lot from year to year. Rick: How about you, Paul, what are your tastes in women? Paul: Neve Campbell. Rick: Specifically? Paul: Yeah. Rick: Oh. h h # GABE How about you, Rick, what-- I like the way that came out --what do you look for in women? Paul: Lower the contrast on that one. Rick: I don't know... h h # GABE So you're looking for tips or something? Rick: No, I'm just trying to make conversation. Paul: That's admirable. h h # GABE Albeit probably logistically impossible. Rick: Well it's not my fault you guys won't get fired up about anything I guess. I'm not gonna make fun of you; I figure living in a world of monotones and half-open eyes should be $ €%€%€% punishment enough. Paul: It is. That's very observant. h h # GABE I'll get fired up about kicking the tar out of you when I'm finished here, Rick, if that makes you feel any better. Rick: It's on, pencil-neck. Paul: Oh sh-t. h h # GABE No, seriously, Rick. Rick: [Immitated monotone (robotic voice)] No, seriously, Rick. h h # GABE [Getting up with his eyes still on the display] Alright, hold on a second Paul. Paul: [Taking over the controls] Take your time. [Gabe and Rick rumble] h h # GABE This'll teach you to bother me when I'm trying to work, you little b-tch. Rick: This'll teach you to work when I'm trying to bother you, nerd-boy. Gabe & Rick: Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch... [Paul observes the screen intensely, and it cuts to the image of an actor morphing into a wolf and back in frame advance] ? Scene08 : Dan's house. Dan is feeling his jaw in front of the mirror. Gabe is standing behind him. DAN Do you think I should shave? h h # GABE No, you look fine. DAN I don't know, you don't think I look a little... h h # GABE ? $ For Christ's sake, you look fine , man! $ €%€%€% Who do you think's gonna be there anyway? DAN Becky Lentz and a couple other-- h h # GABE [Feeling his jaw] Oh, sh-t, Becky Lentz is gonna be there?! DAN Yeah. h h # GABE Sh-t. DAN According to Mouse she's got a minor role or something. h h # GABE Man, I look like hell. DAN Yeah. h h # GABE God damn it. DAN You want me to get you a razor? h h # GABE How about a paper bag with holes? DAN [Looking at his watch] Oh, sh-t, we're gonna be late! [Dan runs out of the bathroom. Gabe takes a last look at himself, gimaces and then follows] h h # GABE Can I at least get another shirt? DAN [Yelling from the kitchen] What's wrong with the one you got on? h h # GABE Well, I haven't washed it in over a month, and it's getting a little... gross-- DAN Look in my closet. Or on the floor in my room. $ €%€%€% But hurry up will ya? We gotta hustle if we're gonna be at the park by five. I'm bringing the charcoal, too, so they're gonna be waiting on us if we're late. h h # GABE Got it. Alright, let's go! [External of Dan's house. Dan and Gabe hustle out the door getting dressed, and carrying junk. They run to the car and jump in. Dan scratches off] ? ` Scene09 : Dan's standing in the middle of an empty park with a bag of charcoal and a perplexed look on his face. Gabe tosses a frisbee to him and it just hits him on the leg and falls on his feet. h h # GABE Catch. DAN Uh... h h # GABE You sure this is the right park? DAN Yeah. h h # GABE You sure this is the right time? DAN Yeah. h h # GABE You sure this is the right day? DAN Maybe this is a joke or something. h h # GABE Maybe. [Pause] DAN What made you pick that shirt anyway, I'm just wondering? $ €%€%€% h h # GABE It's pretty dark in your closet. DAN It is now. h h # GABE I don't know why you have to be critical about it, it's your f-cking shirt. DAN No, I think I found it somewhere. I don't know who's it is. Rick's maybe? I don't even think I've ever worn it. h h # GABE Well it just so happens I think it's pretty slick okay? DAN I'm glad somebody does. You can keep it if you want. Hey, isn't that... ? [Squints and shades his eyes] Hey, it's that girl you met at Cheryl's party, cheif. h h # GABE [Spinning around] Oh sh-t, you're kidding! Oh, sh-t. Hide me, man, I need time to prepare for this kind of thing. [Crouches behind Dan] DAN [Moving] Jesus, don't be ridiculous, just face her like a man. She's probably just here to return your dignity or something. Nod and smile and it'll be over before you know it. h h # GABE That's what I'm afraid of. DAN [Waving to Kelley] Don't do that. h h # GABE Do what?! DAN Don't flex like that. Just relax. Act natural for once. h h # GABE Man, I think I'm gonna yuke... Is that natural enough for ya? DAN $ €%€%€% No, that would be a bad idea. h h # GABE [Looking ill] Awww sh----t... DAN [To Kelley, who has finally within earshot] Hey, how ya doing? That's crazy seeing you again. Remember us? We were at Cheryl Andersen's party a couple weeks ago in the city? I'm Dan and this is my buddy... ? Kelley: I knew I recognized you from somewhere. You were the guy who kept yelling at the light fixtures in german and putting beer in the dog's bowl, right? DAN [Still greasy salesman smiles and phony laughter] No, that... was somebody else, but I knew I remembered your face from the party. Kelley, right? Cage? I'm glad to see you again. h h # GABE Yeah, uh... Kelley: They sent me over from Paul's house because he said he probably didn't tell you guys the party's not here any more. DAN Yeah, we're clinically the last to learn. Kelley: They've already got charcoal, too, so I guess, you know... you might not be needing... DAN [Obviously bitter ironic cheerfulness] Oh, cool, yeah, I'll just leave this here then. [Putting down the bag in the middle of the lawn] You need a ride or did you drive here? Kelley: Steve is waiting for me in the car. Thanks for the offer, though. [Smiles falsely] h h # GABE So, I guess we'll see... you... at the... at Paul's party.. then. Kelley: Yeah, I'm sure you will. [Kelley leaves] [Dan and Gabe walk back toward the car, leaving the bag of charcoal in the center of the lawn. When Gabe passes a garbage can, he stops and kicks the sh-t out of it, finally picking it up and throwing it over a table] $ €%€%€% ? Scene10 : Dan and Gabe roll into Paul's backyard in respective foul moods. There's a lot of people there, and a barbecue is in full effect. They split up. Gabe goes over to Mouse, who's manning the Weber. h h # GABE Nice Weber, Mouse. Mouse: Why thank you. h h # GABE When did you hear they'd moved this party? Mouse: I didn't, actually, I just stopped by to look at Paul's car this morning, and he said I should probably stick around 'cause they weren't doing the park thing any more. h h # GABE Hmm. That's entertaining. Mouse: What, you get stood up or something? h h # GABE Yeah. Mouse: [Taking a drink out of a can] You're not the only one, I guess Josh went to the park first, too. And Sam's probably there right now. h h # GABE I hope the shoots aren't this over coordinated. Mouse: Yeah. [No pause] Who's that guy? [Gabe looks around were he sees Steve talking to Rachel] h h # GABE Met that guy at a party. It's alright, I think he's already hooked up with the most beautiful girl in the world. Mouse: No, I think he might be finding out that he isn't... h h # GABE Chill out, Mouse. I'm sure this isn't gonna be a problem. Mouse: [Nervously] Mmmmm... $ €%€%€% h h # GABE You're burning, cheif. Mouse: [Going for the spatula] Oh, sh-t. h h # GABE So what do you think of this thing with Iraq? Mouse: [Still looking over Gabe's shoulder] What thing with Iraq? h h # GABE The nuclear inspection thing, that's still going on isn't it? Mouse: I don't know anything about that. Does it look like they'll start another war? h h # GABE Oh, I don't know. Probably not. Not with Clinton in office. Mouse: That's good. h h # GABE You always struck me as the kind of guy that would be into war, Mouse. Mouse: Me? No, I'm not into war. h h # GABE Why not? Mouse: Well, for one thing, it's all about inserting 9mm steel pellets into people you don't know at high velocity at random and trying not to get any in you. [Serves somebody a burger] And... that's all really, that's all you need to know. It's about selfishly destroying people's lives in an indescriminant fashion. ? X That's not my style at all. I don't like to hurt people, man, what are you trying to pin on me? h h # GABE You looked for a minute like you really wanted to hurt Stevey Wonderful over there when he was putting the moves on your girl. Mouse: I didn't want Rachel getting hurt is all, Gabe, I thought he might start pushing his luck. You gotta look out for those things. $! €%€%€% h h # GABE I don't. Mouse: [Looking up with revelation and sympathy] That's too bad. h h # GABE Besides, Rach can take care of herself, can't she? Mouse: I don't know... she doesn't look at people like that. She doesn't beleive that anyone would want to hurt her. We argue about that sometimes, but I don't think we'll ever see eye to eye. Thank God. [Pause] h h # GABE So if Iraq invaded America... Mouse: Well then I'd probably fight. I mean, I'd fight to defend my hometown and my family, but I wouldn't take a seven hour plane ride to some banana republic out in the BFE to blow off a random arab's knee caps for fun. I think anyone with that attitude should be locked away, actually, I think that's wrong. h h # GABE Yeah, so do I. Mouse: How about you, would you go to war? h h # GABE I think I'll stick to paintball, Mike, there's no honor in killing a man who's just trying to defend himself. Mouse: That's what I'm saying. h h # GABE You're losing that one. Mouse: [Saving a burger from the flames] Thanks. h h # GABE I'd better go see how Dan is doing. He looked pretty sore when he showed up, I should make sure he's not starting a war of his own. Mouse: You do that, cheif, and let me know if you want another burger or anything, okay, we got $" €%€%€% a ton of 'em here. [Gabe walks across the lawn and runs into Dan coming the other way] DAN It's okay, man, just a logistical error I guess. We don't have to start a rumble here. h h # GABE Logistical errors... DAN [Taking a tug from Gabe's drink] Talked to that girl of yours yet? h h # GABE Yeah, I already made a fool of myself in the park. Oh, you were there. DAN And you're just gonna leave it at that? h h # GABE Yeah. DAN No, Gabe, don't do that to yourself. She wants you, man, I can see it. h h # GABE Hey, f-ck you, Dan. Where do you get this ? sh-t from? She does not want me, Dan or she wouldn't have made me look so stupid in the park ten minutes ago. DAN Man, that was you making you look so stupid in the park ten minutes ago. h h # GABE She would have thrown me a line. If you ? were any kind of a friend at all, you would have thrown me a line. DAN Hey, that really hurts me, Gabe. I'm devoted to you man, we're like this. You know that. h h # GABE Yeah, well maybe I should start going out with you then. DAN $# €%€%€% You'd better watch it, man, I might take you up on that. h h # GABE You know, what makes a girl like that think she's so f-cking special, she can just let a guy like me make a total ass of himself in front of her? DAN Seriously. h h # GABE I think it's a crime. DAN So, you gonna talk to her? h h # GABE No, I'm not gonna talk to her. DAN Why not? h h # GABE I get the vague feeling I've had this conversation before... like within the last two minutes? DAN Yeah, well you evaded the question last time. h h # GABE ? I did not evade the question. I told you pretty much flat out I didn't want to dig myself a deeper grave with that broad. DAN You want me to talk to her for you? h h # GABE You want me to hit you? DAN No. h h # GABE Then just shut up about the whole thing, okay? I don't wanna talk to her. [Pause] h h # GABE $$ €%€%€% Okay, I'll go talk to her, but you gotta run interference for me. DAN How's that? h h # GABE Button-hole Steve over there will ya? Talk about car-jacking or something. Try to keep him busy so he doesn't get down my throat while I'm convincing his girl I'm retarded, okay? DAN That's the spirit. Consider it done, and... don't do that. h h # GABE Do what? DAN You're getting ready to swagger over there, you're already doing that thing with your wrists. Don't swagger, Gabe, walk. Don't act tough, okay, act natural. You're gonna be fine. [Dan leaves] h h # GABE Sh-t. [Gabe stands looking intently at a patch of ground in front of him, mumbling to himself and straightening his shirt and shoulders; reciting lines in his head and trying to get up the courage to go talk to Kelley who ends up right in front of him and speaks] Kelley: Hey, I-- h h # GABE [Jumping in shock and then recovering with a hand on his chest] Jesus Christ... Kelley: I didn't mean to startle you. h h # GABE Oh, no I... I like... I just do that. Nerves. Kelley: You're Dan's little friend, right? h h # GABE No. Kelley: Oh, I thought I saw you earlier with-- $% €%€%€% h h # GABE You did, but by no stretch of the implications involved am I Dan's "little" friend. We're buddies. Equally and in the straightest of ways. Kelley: Hey, easy tiger, I wasn't jumping on your manliness. h h # GABE Oh really? Then I guess it's my fault. You know english is only my first language. Kelley: That guy Mike over at the grill says they're running out of charcoal. I know you guys had some earlier... h h # GABE [Checking his pockets] Oh, yeah, but we're all out now. Sorry, it's amazing how fast a bag of that stuff goes. You can't eat just one. Kelley: Yeah, whatever. h h # GABE Hey listen, why don't you go to a movie or something with me? Or... [Wiping his nose in an off-hand manner] Or maybe we could just get it on right here. Kelley: ... What?! h h # GABE Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I skipped a couple lines. Let's see... X Kelley: X h h # Sure, whatever. h h h # GABE Yeah. Hey, look, I'm sorry about acting like such an idiot, okay? I'm just a soggy little science major with no spine or personal sense of pride. I want you like mad, but since I only think in C, I don't know what stupid hoops to jump through and hollow inhonesties to make up to get you to accept me long enough that I can bang you. Kelley: Well, I'm statistically the most beautiful $& €%€%€% girl on the planet, and I have no intention of ever getting with a guy like you, but here, I'll warm up a little bit and string you along for a while just so I can have something to do, then I'll drop your ass in a month with nothing to show for it but humiliation and injured pride and move on to someone else because it's my mission in life to make mortal men unhappy. h h # GABE Oh, well, go ahead, I'll play along with it since I don't know any better as I mentioned earlier, I have no-- Kelley: Why would you want to go out with me, Gabe, you don't even know me. h h # GABE I know, but I'd like to. Kelley: So, all you're going on right now is my appearances. h h # GABE It's a lot to go on. Kelley: Why are you acting like this? h h # GABE Because I've done this before and I got about as screwed as a guy can get in full clothing. I'm making me do it again, but I want to cut through all the bullsh-t this time. F-ck the formalities and just be honest: I want to get to know you because I'm hoping you'll turn out to be a nice person with independant thoughts and an artistic sensibility and all that, but mainly because you're physically hotter than an unoiled engine and in return I expect you to have exactly the same priorities in judging me. So what do you think? [Holding his arms out in a fashion of display] Am I a better option than your current favored mortal over there? Kelley: My what? Steve? h h # GABE Yeah. I'm probably eight times as smart $' €%€%€% as he is anyway. Kelley: Steve's my brother. h h # GABE [Stunned] Um... Kelley: So if you're so smart, what'd you get on your SATs? h h # GABE You don't care. Kelley: No, your right, but I'm trying to prove a point. h h # GABE What did you get? Kelley: What do you think I got? h h # GABE I got a 1500. Kelley: I aced it. h h # GABE [Nodding his head and looking around] I know a guy who did that. I think he killed himself in his dorm room in college. With a propane torch. Kelley: You know what I'm majoring in? h h # GABE Molecular biology? Kelley: Yeah. h h # GABE Wow, just like that. Kelley: I mean, you probably didn't know I was that smart when you started talking to me, did you? You probably just thought I could groan. h h # GABE Yeah. But now I know, and if I ever need any DNA sequenced I realize that I now have a cold acquaintance to turn to. Kelley: What do you do? h h # GABE Oh I just groan, but I do it pretty well. You wanna get a drink or something? Kelley: ...Alright... $( €%€%€% h h # GABE Yeah, think about that a little bit. I mean, in most cases its only a short step from soda pop to sharing an apartment, and you don't wanna give me the wrong impression. Kelley: So are you majoring in being a d-ck or is that extra curricular for you. h h # GABE [Sitting down on some steps] I'm a computer scientist, I'm majoring in not having one. Kelley: Well, that's something to think about. h h # GABE I promise I won't marry you if you sit down. Kelley: [Sitting down] I don't know anything about computer sciences. h h # GABE Really. I'd been painting you as one of those smart-ass people who knew everything and did everything well. For example, you were probably a track star at your high school, right? Kelley: Mmm. Swimmer. But, I wasn't very good. h h # GABE Okay, but you were probably the captainette of the cheerleading squad and a validictorian. Kelley: Validictorian, yeah. h h # GABE And you can fix a car by looking at it. Kelley: No, I'm more into medical sciences. h h # GABE Hmm. I don't know anything about medical sciences. I did take Ninjitsu for about a year, though. Kelley: Not like that has anything to do with it. h h # GABE Well, you know, they teach you how to stop a guy's heart by pressing on his $) €%€%€% skull with your thumb or something. That's kind of medicinal. Kelley: Something like that. Here, check this out. [She reaches out to touch Gabe's neck. Gabe evades her and scoots rapidly away] h h # GABE Hell no! Not with that kind of introduction! Kelley: No, no, it's good. I'm not gonna hurt you. h h # GABE [Scooting back apprehensively] Okay, but I warn you that democracy as we know it will crumble if I die. Kelley: Well that's okay, I think what I'm looking for ? € is right... here. [Gabe freezes. He blinks, and remains silent, staring straight ahead] Kelley: Did that do anything? h h # GABE No. Kelley: Okay, well, I've never actually done this before. How about... now? h h # GABE No. Kelley: Hmmm... How about-- yeah, that's it. [Gabe shudders and his eyes widen. He breathes out and blinks] Kelley: How's that feel? h h # GABE Like you... cut... Kelley: It's voodoo. I read about it somewhere in a really old journal last winter. Are you hungry? h h # GABE No, I can't even feel my stomach. Kelley: Are you cold? Hot? h h # GABE $* €%€%€% No, I can't even feel my skin. Kelley: Look at me: what do you want? h h # GABE To talk? Kelley: Is there anything else? h h # GABE To understand? Kelley: How are you feeling below your neck? h h # GABE I'm not. Kelley: I can't believe this works. h h # GABE How long does it last? Kelley: I don't remember... two minutes? Can you stand up? h h # GABE Yeah, but I don't know where I'd go. I don't think I need to be anywhere else. This is a really incredible feeling, Kelley. It's like being really drunk, but retaining and even enhancing your reasoning capabilities. Kelley: How do you feel about-- [Gabe suddenly shakes his head furiously] h h # GABE Woah. Kelley: What happened? h h # GABE I guess it wore off. Kelley: Any side effects? h h # GABE Well, since you asked, I'm hungry, pretty cold, and I no longer just want to talk to you... a lot. Have you ever played that trick on yourself? Kelley: No. You can't seem to get the right angle with your own hand. $+ €%€%€% h h # GABE Oh, that sucks. Well, here, just tell me how to do it, and I'll... Kelley: No, that's alright Gabe, I don't know if I'm really ready for that yet. h h # GABE I'm sorry. I forgot we're still in the "how can we get rid of Gabe without hurting him" phase. Kelley: Let's get together some other time, Gabe. I'm kind of in a weird mood today, and I think I'm gonna leave soon. h h # GABE And miss the pyrotechnic tests? Kelley: I've never really been big on oxidation chemistry. h h # GABE Well me neither, but this isn't gonna be a lab practical or anything, John's just gonna blow sh-t up and we're gonna film it. Kelley: How does a movie sound? h h # GABE Sounds good. Sounds real good. Like this coming friday or something? A bunch of stuff's coming out then. Kelley: Okay, this friday. You have a car or... h h # GABE I can get one. [Pause] h h # GABE From Mouse. [Pause] h h # GABE So, are you gonna give me your number or something, or do I just have to look up all the Cages in Contra Costa County and $, €%€%€% guess? There's gotta be a thousand. Kelley: Would you like that? h h # GABE I'd like your number, yeah. I don't want to blow my quota talking to a bunch of random humans around the bay trying to find you. Kelley: You have a quota? h h # GABE Yeah. Kelley: I live in Emeryville. h h # GABE My quota's nine. Kelley: For the week? h h # GABE For the month. I'm not a social worker. Kelley: Do I count? h h # GABE For two, yeah. I was only at five this morning. Kelley: You better watch it or you'll have to change your major. h h # GABE No sh-t.... ... ...Hey, you like this this shirt by the way? Dan and I were argueing about weather or not it was completely appalling, but I think it's pretty-- Kelley: Oh there's Steve. h h # GABE Yeah there he is. Kelley: I think that means I'm leaving. h h # GABE I guess so. Okay, well I have to really look stupid as you go so I don't ruin my streak. Kelley: What are you gonna do? h h # GABE What do you want me to do? $- €%€%€% Kelley: I can't make that decision for you. h h # GABE Okay, I'll just drool then. [Gabe works up a string of drool] Kelley: God! That's disgusting! h h # GABE There we go. Kelley: I'll see you later, Gabe. h h # GABE A pleasure talking to you, Kelley. See you friday night, right? Kelley: Yeah, Friday. Good bye. [Kelley leaves] h h # GABE Good bye. [Waving and smiling and talking to himself] Aaaand I never got her number... F-ck. ? h Scene11 : Mouse is standing out in his driveway with the garge open and a light on inside. It's night time, so there's a trouble light set up. He's staring into the depths of an open engine compartment and spinning a ratchet idly with his hands. Mike(OV): Ever since I was a wee little f-ck, the world has scared me senseless. I figure life is like a sophisticated painting in a museum in which five people can be looking at the same canvas but see totally different things. And me, I see danger all over. From time to time people who see different things try to point out to me that I'm wrong, but I consider them very self-centered and tell them to fall down a man hole, because my view may not be the most "en vogue" or flowers and fuzzy-bunny rabbit in scope, but it's the way I can't help seeing things and it's no less valid a scheme than the next guy's around. It's not pessimistic, though. I'm not like Paul. I see great beauty and brightness in life, that's just not where I stop seeing things. I also see the inherent vulnerability and precarious nature of that beauty, and that's basically what scares me; the danger of collapse. I see moving machinery $. €%€%€% as the gnashing jaws of a blind man-eating beast and all chemicals as poisons regardless of intended use. And people. People, I see as powder kegs of dangerous emotions and volitile unpredictablity. And it's not that I see evil in all of God's creations, but that I ? recognize the potential for destruction in everything that scares me, and it's against the possibilty and dnager that I take up a mode of defense. X h h # When I first met Rachel three years ago, it was then most apparent to me how brilliant the brightness in life could be. Her smile, her eyes, her unsinkable optimism typified all that I loved about the world at large, and invested them in one vulnerable material frame. As she lays at night beside me sometimes, deep in angelic slumber, I think about what little stands between her and the basest of human haunts: death, disease, and injury. I watch her breathing and an anxiety swells inside me that pounds in my head and makes my vision swim. How little it would take to destroy this wholesome beauty. To reduce this brilliance to pain. How easy it would be to hurt her and through her the bigger Rachel Lumiere and prove beyond the shadow of doubt that the light and the warmth in life is as tenuous and arbitrarily existant as a rodent in a household of hungry cats. A cold flush of panic sweeps over me when I think of this and I hold her in my arms to make it stop. Hold her to my chest with all my love of living and all my fear of death. Hold her and protect her and keep her safe from the cold and the darkness that laps greedily around us like the waters of a steadily rising tide. ? Scene12 : Dan, Paul, Gabe, and Mouse are sitting around in the park. Paul is staring straight ahead with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Gabe is lying back on his elbows. Mouse is eyeing everyone else in the park suspiciously, and Dan is playing with a yo-yo. $/ €%€%€% Paul: [Usual unenthusiastic monotone] I wonder how much longer I haveto live. Mouse: Well, that's a particularly morbid thought. Paul: Oh, you're thinking it too, you're just not saying it. DAN Did you just say "have to" or "hafta"? Paul: Did you guys watch the game last night? Mouse: No. Paul: What are you thinking about, Gabe? h h # GABE I'm just thinking. Paul: Off the clock, too. h h # GABE I can't turn it off. DAN What are you looking at? h h # GABE Well, I'm just... I just hate seeing that. Mouse: Seeing what? h h # GABE I hate seeing a guy treat his girl like that. It's gutless and inconsiderate. DAN I don't see what you're looking at. h h # GABE Half-pipe herman over there with the blond chick. See him. The little rat punk in size 57 pants? Paul: I got him. DAN No, I don't... Mouse: [Pointing] Over there, Dan. DAN Oh, okay. What about him? h h # GABE Well I was trying not to point, but look how he's standing. Watch where he's looking, see? He's avoiding eye contact, that arrogant little f-ck, he's looking above her head. $0 €%€%€% DAN And? h h # GABE ? Well look at him. You just see he thinks he's a little pimp; he's not afraid of acting like he doesn't care about her. What kind of realtionship is that anyway? That guy needs to get his ass kicked. Paul: I think you might just be bitter because he's got a girl and you don't. Don't let your logic confuse the issue. h h # GABE F-ck you Paul, I'm bitter because he thinks he's got a girl by right, and he doesn't need to do anything to deserve it. See that? God, that little prick. I'm just gonna go over there and beat the f ck out of him real quick, okay, I'll be right back. [Getting up] Mouse: No, ts-- don't .. don't do that, man. There's probably complexities at work here you don't understand. h h # GABE What complexities? What do I need to know aside from the fact that that guy has a girl he doesn't deserve, and I don't have one that I do? It seems pretty cut and dried to me cheif, and it makes me pretty f-cking angry. It's no f-cking fair. Paul: That word should be stricken from the english language. There's no way to use it correctly. DAN F-ck? Paul: The other four letter 'f' word. Mouse: Fair? Paul: Just forget about it, Gabe. Don't let it get you down. Rolling that little primate'll get you a record, not a girl and I'll lose a lot of respect for you personally if you give in to the temptation. DAN Really? Paul: Well no, but this isn't the time or place for it. Just forget you saw it to begin with. $1 €%€%€% h h # GABE [Sinking onto his back and rubbing his eyes] Gggghhhahh. DAN Besides, Gabe, you might have a girl after friday night anyway, then you don't have to worry about fairness any more. h h # GABE I wouldn't put money on it. Mouse: Hey, speaking of which Paul, I got that prop car suped up for next week's shoot like you asked, but I think I'll need some additional funds to cover it. Paul: Why, what happened? Mouse: Well I needed some parts I didn't have, so I had to go out and buy 'em. Paul: New? Mouse: Well, no, but even the yards are charging more than they used to. DAN You can't blame 'em for that, cheif. Every time you go in to one of those places, you walk out with half a Datsun in your pants. They gotta compensate for you some how. Mouse: Hey, man, everybody does it, alright? Paul: Well then why didn't you steal the parts for the prop car, Mouse? Are you having a change of heart? Mouse: Well, you gotta pay to get into the place, right? And you gotta walk out with something legit or they crack down on you like the ATF. It's okay to be a theiving anarchic chimp there, but as I see it, you gotta play by the rules. DAN So what'd you get? Mouse: A distributer and a cooling fan for Lenny's Saturn... I guess you aren't gonna cover that, though, are you. Paul: Well, no I'm sure we can swing it. We're way under budget on pre-pro anyway. Mouse: Thanks, man I owe you one. Paul: No, it's just money and it's not even mine. So, how'd the retrofit go in general? Mouse: Well besides initial setbacks regarding said parts it actually went pretty well. You probably ought to get the driver down to my $2 €%€%€% place sometime to take it out before the shoot, though. There's some handling issues I wanna discuss and all the new levers and buttons on the dash aren't as intuitive as they probably oughta be. DAN Sam's driving, isn't he? He's a pretty smart guy, Mouse, he can figure things out on his own. Mouse: Well I don't know if you've ever inadvertently fired nitros in reverse gear before Dan, but unless you think I can sneak a long block out of Oakland in my shorts, the resulting repairs are a couple hundred at least for the car not to mention what the seatbelt does to your driver and... Paul: Point taken. I'll have Sam give you a call some time tomarrow. Mouse: Sounds like a plan, I'll probably be in all morning. If I'm not though, I'm sure Rach or one of the fam'll be around. [Long pause] h h # GABE Hey, Dan, I hear you might get labelled in a couple of weeks. DAN Yeah, Rick was talking to some guys who saw us in the city; 'set up an interview. Damn I'm nervous about that. Paul: Don't be. Mouse: You're gonna do fine, man. DAN Uhh... Mouse: Dan, you're gonna do fine. DAN Alright. [Dan exhales loudly and Mouse looks at him quizzically out of the corner of his eye] DAN Well, what if they're just gonna tell us we suck. h h # GABE $3 €%€%€% You don't set up an interview with someone just to tell them they suck. Mouse: They want you man, you're gonna do fine. DAN You're just saying that, Mouse. You don't even know. I don't know... Paul: I do, and I can tell you you're gonna do fine. DAN Well thanks for letting me borrow your suit for it man. Quince says he's gonna rent a tuxedo... John's gonna-- Y'know, I hate wearing a suit, though; makes me look like I'm trying too hard to be human. All I can think about when I look in the mirror is that song from the Jungle Book? You know which one I'm talking about? "I wanna be like... you hoo hoo. I wanna--" [Gabe starts whistling "I wanna be like you" from the Jungle Book] DAN Yeah, that's it. Paul: No, suits look good on you, pal. Especially mine. And it'll appreciate looking sharp for once. Mouse: Yeah, I think you'll do fine. [Pause] Mouse: Although it's kind of funny, I was thinking, you know, most rock idols look like beer drinking dejenerates and all, right? And the best ones look like there from another planet. Like Queen and all them. So the suit might throw them off, you know? You might be better off walking in there wearing a bath-towel and a human femur through your nose, and maybe like a big satanic pentagram painted in roofing tar of your chest. Paul: Mouse, don't do that to him. The man's nervous enough as it is. DAN Sh-t, I hadn't thought of that... Paul: Well don't start now. Mouse is just making fun of you, man, I seriously doubt he meant to make a legitimate suggestion. Mouse: Yeah, it's a trick I learned in high-school. $4 €%€%€% My lips are moving, but I'm actually talking out of my ass. People slip up on it alot. Paul: Just concentrate on not thinking about it when the time comes, Dan. You'll be fine. DAN I hope so. h h # GABE Yeah, you're doin'.. you're all over... you're gonna do fine. [Pause] Mouse: So Paul, what do you think of this thing with Iraq? Paul: Nuke 'em. DAN You don't really mean that. Paul: No I don't, but I don't like talking about politics either, and saying that tends to keep conversations short. ? h Mouse: Well what do you wanna talk about? Paul: I don't know. Nothing I guess. DAN Come on, there's gotta be something you wanna talk about. Paul: No, there really isn't. h h # GABE Paul, if you don't talk more often, you're gonna forget how. Mouse: Yeah, isn't there something like that in an old Bogie film or something? Paul: Yeah. The Maltese Falcon. Sydney Greenstreet says "Talking's something you can't do judiciously unless you keep in practice", but I strongly disagree. Mouse: Use it or lose it Paul. Paul: Maybe. But talking is just the outward representation of something you can easily enhance with your mouth shut. h h # GABE [Slyly starting the timer on his watch] You don't think there's a little co ordination involved? Don't you think concentrating on what you're saying in a real-time situation dips into your $5 €%€%€% resources of thought? Paul: I don't understand what you just said. DAN ? X Well don't you think it's harder to talk and think than it is to just think without talking? Mouse: Or talk without thinking? DAN No, that's a peice of cake, man, I do that all the time. Paul: Yeah, it probably is quite a bit harder to think when you're talking, but that's just one more reason not to do it. DAN ? No, actually, that's a good reason to do it. In my experience, thinking too much just makes you morose. Paul: But talking too much invariably makes you wrong. Mouse: At some point, yeah, but you're right a lot too. You can't go through the world expecting never to be wrong out loud. The shear effort involved would shorten your life by a decade. DAN Anyway, what difference does it make wheather your wrong in your head or in your words? Paul: People can hear your words, Dan. You can't help how you think, but you can help what you say and how you act, and that controls how people think you think. h h # GABE Woa. DAN So you're trying to make us think you think a way you're not thinking. Paul: No doubt. DAN Why? Paul: Because if you really had a handle on what was going on inside my head, you wouldn't hang out with me anymore and my life would be even more depressing than it is now. Mouse: Give us an example. Paul: Well suppose I told you I was thinking of your girl friend right now, Mouse. DAN Uh oh. $6 €%€%€% Mouse: No, that's-- fine I guess. I think about her a lot too. All the time, actually. I would expect the same from anyone who's met her. Paul: But it makes you think differently of me now that I've actually said it. You're definitely hurt by it, and you're probably wondering what I'm thinking about specifically. Mouse: Yeah, I'd be mildly curious. Paul: And what if I told you one of my motivations in lending you my suit was so you'd feel inclined to help me on the film later, Dan, how would that make you feel? DAN Well turnabout's fair play, Paul. Favor for favor, that seems perfectly logical to me. Paul: Yeah, but it would give you a real feeling of rejection if you knew I thought of you less as a friend than I did as a potential battery boy. DAN Yeah, I guess that would bug me.. Paul: And Gabe would probably-- h h # GABE Not wanna hear it, but tell me what this has to do with being wrong in the first place, Paul. I mean, if you're being honest that certainly has nothing to do with being wrong. Paul: Well wrong's a pretty loosely defined word, and it isn't neccessarily synonymous with false. In what we're talking about now, I wouldn't consider total, unmitigated honesty to be the right course of action at all. It probably never is. That's why we have a SuperEgo and vocal cords in leu of a big plexi-glass plate in our heads. In most dealings with people in life being intentionally wrong sometimes can be the only right thing to do. You guys agree? Mouse: Well, I don't neccessarily disagree, but I'm not sure I follow all your logic. Paul: That's not impossible. It's a big problem with speaking too much. [Dan's monologue over Paul and Mouse talking (sound fades out)] Dan(OV): I don't know what life would be like for me if $7 €%€%€% it wasn't for my band "The Rat Race Revue". I don't wanna make this sound like dramatic movie material or anything, but my band's given me reason to live, and an outlet for my artistic interpretations of life without which I'd probably be mopping floors in the Moraga Delicatessen summers and studying to be an accountant in college. I'm not getting down on accountants neccessarily, and I'm not getting down on mopping floors 'cause I've been there, I'm just trying to point out the direction and release the Revue has given me. Gabe's always making fun of me for what I'm calling "direction". The fact is it's a wide, wide world out there and one guy's direction can be 180 degrees off of another's and both can be completely valid. I'm sure he knows that. He just gets a kick out of jabbing me about musicology ("a BA in starving" he calls it), and sending me rubber ears in the mail on my birthday. I don't even know where the hell he finds rubber ears, although I suspect them of being star-trek Spock ears with the tips filed down. But he refuses to comment, as he still refuses to admit to being the one who sends them in the first place in addition to refusing to admit to ever watching the show "Star Trek" which he claims would place him in an unfair stereo-type regarding programmers in general. Artists, scientists, exotic dancers, whatever. We're all in it together, and although a lot of people can think that, few are lucky enough to be able to unconditionally believe it. Like me. I consider myself an unusually enlightened individual, for example, I'm probably the only guy on the planet that typically listens to both Garth Brooks and Biggie Smalls in the same hour, but then I ate an awful lot of paste in art-class as a kid. h h # GABE That's time. DAN How long? h h # GABE Eight minutes, thirty five seconds. Uh... $8 €%€%€% I mean six minutes. DAN Oh no you don't. You broke your record, Paul. Paul: What record? Mouse: You talked for over seven minutes without once mentioning death, dissillusion, or disappointment. You beat out your old time by more than a minute and a half. Paul: Well thanks for looking out for me guys. DAN [Taking money from Gabe] No sweat. Paul: So can I pretty much assume that you haven't actually been listening to a word I've said. DAN Probably. ? Paul: Nice. That does help my self-esteem. Mouse: No, I was paying attention, but that's kind of payback for the honesty in your motivational tirade isn't it. Paul: Touche. I guess I'm happy I'm right. Mouse: [Freezing] You guess you're... uh... Paul: Heavy sarcasm. Mouse: Oh, right. Composite3: Everyone doing different stuff. Paul(VO): According to Gabriel Fox of Moraga residence fame, there is a phenominon in computer programming called "the symantic gap" that is defined as the discrepancy between a command entered into the compiler and the equivilent micro-instructions generated by that compiler for the chip to execute. The example he gave me relates to the old school macintosh language "hyper-card script". So in the hyper card compiler, you as a programmer (well... let's see. Gabe says he doesn't want me diluting that term by applying it to hyper card, but whatever). As a user, you enter the line "play filename", and the program turns around and generates the chip commands to correspond to that. According to Gabe, the appropriate chip instructions (being few and very primative in nature) for locating the file on the drive, loading the file into randomly accessible memory and pushing the contents through first the add-in sound harware and then the speakers in turn $9 €%€%€% constitutes a Thomas Payne-size pamphlet of code all from the simple line "play filename", which makes hyper-card what is called a "high level" (the highest according to Gabe) programming language as opposed to, say C or Assembly, which interface more directly with the chip. Anyway, the point isn't about hyper card or macintoshes, or compatibles, or DOS, or computer programmers or Gabe or anything anyway. The point is (well maybe Gabe), the point is the symantic gap as it relates to humans and our "high-level" antics and it's effect on our lives as widens through evolution to estrange by degrees what we say in our minds to what we feel in our hearts. That's all I wanted to say about that. ? H Scene13 : Mouse is working under a suped-up sportscar and Rachel is in the back of the garage looking for something. The radio is on playing some appropriate song quitely in the background. It's dark and there's trouble lights and stuff around to keep things visible. Rachel finds what she's looking for and walks over to the car, staring down through the engine comparment at Mouse below. Rachel: How's it going, Garrison? Mouse: Well this bolt is pretty frozen on. I don't think it's been touched since manufactury. Rache: What bolt? Mouse: [Struggling with the wrench] Ground for the starter... Rrrgh. Damn. Ma, get me the dynamite. Rache: How many miles on this thing? Mouse: Car's got 110. But even with that I suspect foul play. It's a '78 I think. Rache: Hmm. 78 and the original starter? Mouse: Baby, this thing hasn't started in over two years. I think the oil's original. Rache: Who'd you get it from? Mouse: Some guy in Stockton. Friend of John's. Rache: What do you know about him? Mouse: I know he can pay my fee and he's a friend of John's. He's also into road-biking aparently, or he's got another car. Why'ya asking babe, you gonna start a file on this guy? Rache: Well I hope he's got a sweet-tooth is all, 'cause I found a bag of something that $: €%€%€% probably isn't sugar in his trunk. 'Better make sure he pays in cash. Mouse: [Suprised yet slightly disconcerted laughing] Holy, sh-t, you're not kidding are you? Well, why where you poking around in his trunk anyway? You're lucky you didn't find a human head or something. Rache: Oh, do you think he's gonna want that? It looked like it was going bad, so I just pitched it. Mouse: Serious answer: Rache: I was looking for the carbuerator. Mouse: That's in the driver's seat. It was getting in the way in the garage, and I didn't want to get it mixed up with the other ones. I'll get it for you... Rache: No, that's fine. I got it. [Rachel gets the carb out of the side and Mouse stands into the scene, wiping his hands on a rag. Rachel comes back and starts bolting the carb down on the intake] Rache: You don't seem concerned to be working for a drugee, Mike, I would have thought that would bug you more than it apparently does. Mouse: Well, it bugs me a little, but there's not much I can do about it. Besides, you don't know anything about the guy. Just cause he snorts happiness through his nose doesn't make him an evil person neccessarily. I would think you'd pity him actually, that he has to resort to drugs to make his life complete. Maybe he's hiding from something. Maybe he's only got one leg. Rache: In a stick transmission? Mouse: It's all acedemic anyway if the stuff's just sugar. Rache: It really doesn't taste like sugar. Mouse: You tasted it? Rache: Well that's what they always do in the movies, right? With their pinky like this... [Scared] Is that bad? Mouse: [Throwing up his hands] Oh well, now it's all over. At the very least, you've just made the first step toward a life of degradation and crime and at the worst, you just ate a finger tip of Drano, and your pancreas's gonna melt into your chest-cavity and stop your heart. $; €%€%€% Rache: [Laughing and hitting Mouse] Oh, stop it Mike! You don't even know where my pancreas is! Mouse: I'll bet I could find it. [They embrace and whisper and stuff] [Gabe walks up and stops behind Rachel. He waits for a while, shuffling. He coughs. He clears his throat. Does it again...] h h # GABE [Loudly and clearly] Hey Mouse. [Mouse and Rachel turn to face him side-by side] Rache: Hi, Gabe. h h # GABE Hi, Rachel. Mouse: Thanks for trying to save me the embarassment of being seen in close contact with a beautiful woman, Gabe, I guess I just wasn't taking hints. h h # GABE Hey, Rache, is Mouse around, or is this ignorant pud the best I can do for conversation? Rache: [Laughing and displaying Mouse with her arms] That's the best you'll ever do. h h # GABE Great. Mouse: What can I do for you, punk? h h # GABE Well, I need a car for tomarrow night. Mouse: Mmmmm... And you're probably gonna want one that runs, right? h h # GABE It would mean a lot to me. Mouse: Okay... Uh... Rache: Wasn't Keffer gonna drop off his ride tomarrow. Mouse: That's next week I think. Rache: No, It's this week, dummy, it was next week last week. Remember, he told you he'd pay you $< €%€%€% on the 3rd and it was a week after... Mouse: Oh, yeah. Rache: That's just a tune-up, Gabe. I can do that while Mike works on the crack-car here and have it ready for you by 5:30 or something. h h # GABE That'd be perfect, Rachel, but isn't Pete Keffer gonna want his wheels back? Mouse: You know how many cars that guy's got? Rache: He doesn't have any idea what we're doing with it anyway. If we told him it took two weeks to change his spark-plugs and charged him $80.00 for parts he'd take it for gospel. Just try no to bang it up at all, or we'll have to work for a living for once. h h # GABE Gee, thanks guys, you take good care of me. Rache: That's the idea. Mouse: So, you got a hot date friday night or something, Gabe, or are you just fleeing the country? I mean, you usually bum a ride off of Dan or Rick, and now this sudden outlash of independance... h h # GABE Yeah, I'm going to a flick with a girl from Emeryville. Mouse: The one you were talking to at Paul's party? h h # GABE The same. Mouse: Not bad, man. Rache: [Taunting] Gabe... ! h h # GABE [Embarassed] Hey, guys, it's not impossible, okay? Even scientists get a break every ten years or so. Besides, I'll probably just make a fool of myself anyway. Rache: Oh, Gabe, don't talk like that. You'll do fine. Mouse: [Joking] No, he's probably right. h h # GABE $= €%€%€% Thanks for sticking up for me, Mouse. Mouse: Anyway, show up at about 5:00 tomarrow and we'll get the whole first-date, father-son talk going while Rachel here checks the spark and air-pressure on Keffer's ride. Rache: And sheild my innocent ears and eyes from the horrors of grown-up conversation and damaging innuendos that I, being a lowly girl, couldn't possibly understand. Mouse: And when we're done, I'll hand over the keys and make the usual intonations and threats regarding body-damage and full gas-tanks whereupon you're out of here into the new and exciting world of dating and the opposite sex. h h # GABE [Laughing] H-Hey, f-ck you Mouse and thanks a lot. Mouse: Just doing my job. [Walking away] Rache: And if at any point you want some real advice on how to deal with women, you can talk to me any time and I'll be happy to undo any damage to your raltionship skills Mike may have caused already. h h # GABE I don't think even Mike can make those any worse than they are. Mouse: [From the garage] Want any coke, Gabe? Rache: [Laughing] Maybe you should ask the neighbors. h h # GABE ? Do I want a coke? No, I already had dinner and I don't like that stuff too much anyway. Mouse: [Coming back with a zip-lock bag of white powder] No, coke. Like a bag of crack. h h # GABE ? x Holy sh-t, NO I don't want any of that, where the hell d-- what'd'ya-- what are ? you doing-- what are you doing with it? Mouse: [Wiping his nose and blinking his eyes] How'd ? ! you figure we got through these late-night services, Gabe? It takes more than a cup of specialty coffee to keep you under a trani 'till two in the morning. Rache: If you're gonna be funny, Mike, you should $> €%€%€% make sure someone's around to laugh. Look, you're just confusing him. ? Mouse: Well, I thought that's what I kept you around for, but there must have been another reason. Rache: I think it was my viscosity. Mouse: Or boyancy or something. h h # GABE [Trying lamely to act casual] So, anyway, about the coke... Mouse: Oh, I was just screwing with you, man. We found it in the trunk; we serve our clientelle on a don't ask, don't worry basis, so we're just gonna wipe it for finger-prints and act like we never saw it when we send it back. h h # GABE That doesn't creep you out at all? Mouse: A little, but I can't be picky about the kind of people that pay me if I want to get paid at all. h h # GABE [Holding the bag up and looking hard at the contents] I've never seen this sh-t in real life before. Hmmmm... huh. How ironic that this pristine powdered happiness is the root of so much that's low and filthy in the world today. Mouse: They were saying that about booze in the 20s, too. Rache: They're still saying it. h h # GABE They've still got a reason. Mouse: It's funny, though, there deosn't seem to be any real reason to shun mood altering drugs if they make you happy anyway, does there? I mean that's kind of the whole point of life in the first place. h h # GABE Well the trick is that you can't stay up indefinely, and when you come down, it's gonna be worse the longer you were high. Then you do an amazing job of f-cking up other people's lives because of your mistake in ways that quite logically are $? €%€%€% both unethical and unequitable in the fact that innocents are dragged in for the down-time when they didn't benifit in the first place from the high. Rache: And you end up beating your wife and kids or blowing a total stranger's guts out in the street for his cash. Mouse: So it's not so much a problem to begin with, but an unacceptable risk of downward spiral. h h # GABE You could put it that way. Albeit the risk of alcoholism is apparently no longer "unacceptable" as far as the law is concerned. Mouse: Well I'll still never touch the stuff. h h # GABE Alcohol? Well, you just don't like the high. Mouse: No, I just like full command of my brain at all times. h h # GABE Babysitting. Rache: Huh? h h # GABE I don't like babysitting my brain. Mouse: I'm gonna have to think about that one for a while. Rache: Yeah. h h # GABE Well I'll leave you two alone to do it. I have like twelve pages of algorythm to debug before morning. Mouse: See, now there's a classic example of using your brain. h h # GABE No, that is a stellar example of my brain using me since it involves eating bad food, sitting largely on my ass with infrequent pacing breaks, and frusterating my sexual hormones while I burn my eyes out of alignment in front of an insufficiently sheilded CRT screen. $@ €%€%€% Rache: Ouch. Mouse: Well, if you ever want a job changing oil for three bucks a pop, I know some strings I can pull, but my guess is even CRT damage beats out hunger or cold. You gotta pay to play, cheif. Just think of your date on friday... and maybe try UV sunglasses or something. Rache: Mmmm, I don't think that would work, Mike. Mouse: I'm just trying to help. Rache: I know. ? Scene14 : Rick is lying on the sidewalk out front of his house. Camera is the cat's view, and Rick is staring into it making "o" shapes in the air with his index finger. Rick: You don't get it. It's veeery simple... No, look at me. Aw, you stupid animal. [Top shot. The cat just walks away, and Dan steps into the shot to take his place with his feet. Rick looks up and hops to his feet] Rick: Hey, Dan, what's happening? DAN Hey, Rick. I just brought these story-boards by for Paul. He said he needed them for the shoot on wednesday. Rick: You can give 'em to me. He's not around. He's off being morbid somewhere else. DAN [Handing Rick the story boards] Yeah, careful with 'em, though they took a long time to draw. Rick: I treat 'em like they's glass. DAN That's fine. Rick: Heehee. Sweet. DAN Huh? Which... Oh, yeah. That's... Rick: [Flipping the pages] Nice. DAN Yeah, I like that one, too. Rick: Woa, holy sh-t. We're not really gonna-- How we gonna do that? DAN You're brother's got big plans. Rotoscoping or something. $A €%€%€% Rick: Insanity. Sheer insanity. Hey, I like that... DAN You ready for that interview? [Rick makes a guitar stroke gesture with his hand. Paul runs out of the house putting a jacket on, and getting keys out of his pocket] Paul: Hey, Dan! DAN Paul. I thought you were gone. Rick: Hmm, so did I. Paul: I got back an hour ago, ignatz. I talked to you. Don't you remember? Rick: [Still studying the story-boards] No. I guess I don't. Sorry. Paul: Yeah, I paid you back that money I owed you and all. What are you looking at? [Taking the story-boards] Oh, the story-boards. Wow, these look good, Dan. Rick: Money-- Wait... no wait, it's all coming back to me now. You walked in, took your shoes off, farted repeatedly, or maybe that was you saying something but... no, you didn't pay me that money back yet and it's madly gathering interest as we speak. Paul: I'm sure deflation'll stay ahead of it. Hey, Dan, I need to go into the city to get some bulbs for the field lights. Are you interested? DAN Are you inviting? Paul: Well by all means. Keep me from falling asleep on the bridge. What about you, Rick, you want us to go lose you in the mission district for a while? Rick: Naw, I got that date with Anne Heche this evening. DAN [Laughing unintelligently] That's funny. Paul: He's got a theory going. Ask him to explain it when I'm not around. Right now, though, we gotta hustle. Place closes in an hour. DAN Oh well then. By all means, just so long as I get back by eight tomarrow night, I have a very pressing engagement. $B €%€%€% ? Scene15 : Dan, Mouse, and Gabe are sitting around on Mouse's truck looking up at the stars. Gabe is quietly sitting in the bed, Mouse is lying on the hood just complacently entertained by Dan, and Dan is lying next to him talking glibly as he stares up into the heavens with a bottle of beer in his right hand. DAN You know that like Twister-type mat they used to sell for Nintendo to try to get kids to excercise more than their thumbs when they were playing-- Mouse: No, I don't really... DAN The Track and Field thing where you jogged up and down on the buttons and jumped to make-- Mouse: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that thing... DAN My brother Jeff and I used to cheat on that thing like mad. Like we'd lie on the carpet beside it and intermittently pound on the dots with our fists so the character in the game would smoke the competition. Mouse: Sweet. DAN Did they ever make any other games for that thing? Mouse: What, the Nintendo? DAN No, not the Nintendo, moron, they made like half a billion games for that. I mean the floor mat thing. Mouse: Oh, I don't know. I never had a Nintendo. Ask the scientist, back there. DAN Hey, Gabo! h h # GABE [Morosely] Yo. DAN Did they ever make any games besides track and field for that Nintendo game thingy that went on the ground? h h # GABE [Uninterested] What game thingy? DAN The one you ran in place on. $C €%€%€% h h # GABE [More disinterest] No. I think it was a dead-end invention. I don't even think you needed the pad to play "track and feild". I think you could just use the controller. DAN Oh.... Well that sucks. Mouse: Gabe, how you doing back there? h h # GABE I'm fine. Mouse: You sure, cheif? You don't sound too good. h h # GABE I'll live. Mouse: I hope so. How much you been drinking? h h # GABE I haven't. Mouse: [To Dan] Oh, that's bad. [Louder, to Gabe] Hey, man, does this have anything to do with your date with that girl last night? DAN ? What girl? Kelley? Oh, man, that was last night?! [Rolling over on his elbow despite Mouse's frantic gestures to shut him up] Hey, Gabe, how'd your date with Kelley go last night? Mouse: Dan, you moron! If he's feeling bad about, you don't need to rub it in his face. h h # GABE No, it was fine I guess. Just about exactly what I'd expected. Mouse: No, it doesn't sound like it went too well to me, man. You should just out with it if it makes you feel bad. [Swinging into the bed and crouching concerned beside Gabe] It doesn't help to keep it all bottled up inside. h h # GABE [Turning away] Aw, hell, Mouse. I'll be fine. I don't need a counsellor on this, it just didn't work out, okay? This sh-t never does for me. You guys are getting to be the last friends I have... DAN $D €%€%€% [Climbing clumsily over the tailgate and sitting on it] Oh, come on, Gabe, it's never ? gonna be that bad. What happened anyway? What'd she say? Maybe you just read her position totally wrong. h h # GABE I didn't read anything totally wrong, man, and I don't really wanna talk about it, okay? But if you absolutely gotta know, we ended up talking about you most of the night. I guess she's really stuck on you somehow. ? ( Mouse: [Looking rapidly from one to the other] Oh sh ? t . Well, did you tell her he's declined to state? DAN Yeah, if she knows I might be gay, she'll probably back down on the issue... h h # GABE I told her, but she said she already knew. I guess she's been doing a little homework on you, amigo. You should be flattered. Mouse: [Perplexed] ...Damn, man. DAN I don't even know where to go with this, Gabe. I-- uh, I guess I'm sorry? I mean-- man, I don't even know how to run with it. I hope we can still be friends after this. h h # GABE Hey, bro's before broads, right, cheif? I'll get over it; it just comes at a bad time is all... Here, let me give you her number... [Starts digging around in his pocket] Mouse: Hey, maybe you should do that later, man, I mean you don't want to salt your own wounds like that, so maybe... h h # GABE Aw, forget it Mouse, I might as well get all this sh-t over with at once. Here. I'm not gonna need it. Call her when you get sober. Ask her out. See what happens. Maybe you'll find out whether you're gay $E €%€%€% or not. Mouse: This has gotta be rough for you, man. Is there anything we can do to help keep it light? h h # GABE Yeah, we can go break some windows together. Mouse: You don't want a drink or anything? h h # GABE No, I'm gonna feel bad enough in the morning as is. Besides, if I get going on that sh-t I won't know when to stop. Mouse: This sucks. h h # GABE Superlatively. DAN I'm sorry. h h # GABE Don't be, Dan, it's all a competition. You didn't see Carl Malone appologizing all over Jordan when the Bulls got spanked in the last minutes of game five last year in Chicago. DAN I didn't watch game five. Mouse: He didn't appologize. h h # GABE All I'm saying is run with it. I had to ? bust my ass just to get that girl to talk with me for a couple hours on friday and you've got the power to pull her to you without openning your f-cking mouth, that's great. Don't open your mouth. Keep it shut and celebrate the fact that bantering logic is so immaterial to happiness. My fading charm was a software emulation at best, Dan, but apparently you've got the chip I can't work hard enough to afford, and since you can't give it to me by not using it yourself, go out and take life, cheif. Take Kelley, and run with it. If not for yourself, then for the sake of guys like me who can't earn what you were given off the $F €%€%€% rack. DAN Man, I'm really sorry about all this... h h # GABE [Sigh] Was I talking again? Mouse: You wanna go home, cheif? h h # GABE No, Mouse, that's the last place I wanna go. I wanna go to Vegas or something. Some artifical reality full of lights and noise where I can bathe in a sea of annonymous smiles and pretend vainly that I'm loved and belong. Mouse: You're loved and belong with us, man. I know that doesn't seem like sh-t to you know, but we're like this. We'd go to the edge for you, captain. We're brothers. h h # GABE Like monks. Mouse: Like soldiers. I don't know. I'm talking out of my ass, but you're scaring me. Try not to take this too hard, okay, she probably didn't deserve you. She had a nice body and all, but your spirits were probably like this [waving his hands in parellel, un-intersecting planes] h h # GABE [Letting his head sink between his knees] Gggghhh... DAN Uh oh. Mouse: Why, "uh oh"? DAN You hit a nerve. Mouse: I thought we were already on one. DAN You hit another nerve. He doesn't like to think about things that way... h h # GABE [Bringing his head up again and turning a little beligerant] You're damn straight, man, I've been hiding my head in that patch of sand for 20 years now. I'm not doing that sh-t any more, I don't have to $G €%€%€% protect myself through lies. Mouse: Huh? h h # GABE Spirit my ass. If I wanted a soul companion, I would have picked a more chemically stable organism like Dan here or the family dog. I have friends, cheif, I'm contracting out for affection and attention of a Barry White persuasion, and I'm sorry, Mouse, but spiritual unity would only be a coincidence in that equation. I'm willing to accept the ugly fact, but apparently I can't even trade on that level, so I'll have to live out my life unhealthy and distorted without the animal release of a semi-mindless relationship with a girl and drift closer and closer to hermit-status as my friends slowly grow apart from myself and my developing psychosis. DAN Um... Mouse: It's gonna take me a long time to unravel your logic, there, buddy but-- h h # GABE F-ck that, Mouse; you're just confused ? because I'm not using logic. It's plain and simple and it's so ugly that we reject it. I'm 0 for 2 now, and while that's not a lot of tries in general, it does represent 100% failure, and it can only get worse from here. I missed the elevator to the top in life, and the stairway is wearing me down. Maybe you guys can't understand this, but I really want the best for myself in all things, and while I logically can't expect it, my id keeps me believing I can make it but I think I'm really glass-celinged by factors beyond my control. You know, we think of our logic as the iron-fisted controller of our id, but it scares me to think how far off that assumption probably is. DAN Is that why you aren't making much sense right $H €%€%€% now? h h # GABE Maybe, but that's probably 'cause you're too drunk to think ... You know Mouse, I think I do wanna go home. This place is getting colder by the minute, and I've got a lot of sleeping off to do. ? @ Mouse: Okay. I'm getting a little chilly too, let's go. DAN [After Mouse and Gabe] It's cold? Mouse: Yes, Dan, it's cold. ? Scene16 : The next night. Dan and Kelley walk into an abandonned play-ground. Kelley is hugging herself against the cold. Kelley: It's fr-ckin freezing. DAN You're cold? Kelley: No, I'm freezing. DAN Here, take my jacket then. I'm part allutian islander. Kelley: No, that's alright. DAN Why not? I thought you said you were cold. Kelley: I am, but I know what's going on in your head right now, and I don't want any part of this chivalrous farce. DAN With molecular biology on the burner, I wouldn't have thought you'd have time to double major in telepathy, but let's hear it. If there's something going on in my head besides the simple desire to see someone stop suffering wherever it's possible, I'd better be one of the first to know about it. Kelley: You know what I'm talking about, DAN you're just getting off being the strong one in this situation, and if I take the coat you'll be expecting disproportionate basic favor from me in return. Why else would you freeze for me? DAN Alright, well first of all I'm not freezing, I'm not even cold, and I'm not kidding. Secondly, I don't expect anything from you, $I €%€%€% but by keeping your lungs from freezing, I'm hoping to prolong the gamble that eventually you'll start talking to me like an intelligent and equal human being, and stop thinking your thinking my evil intentions for me. And lastly (I don't wanna be crude, but you brought it up) you can go back and tell your feminist friends at home that in disagreement to popular uneducated belief, there's really only about two things that'll get a guy off, and we're not standing close enough together for either one to be happening right now. So, if you wanna hear what I'm really thinking without the trying process of logically interpreting it yourself just listen when I tell you you should take the damn jacket because the offer was derived from portions of my anatomy all clearly above my waist, and maybe only partly because you're cold and I'm not. Kelley: [Taking the jacket] Thanks. DAN Don't mention it. [Pause. Dan goes and sits down on a slide or something] DAN So, have you seen a therapist about this wild paranoia of yours? Kelley: I'm not paranoid. DAN Ever seen a therapist for kicks? Kelley: Dan, I'm just being realistic, and don't even act like you don't know what I'm talking about either because you do. DAN Sure. You're talking about a woman's place in society, right? Kelley: Yeah, and how the male gender makes it suck. DAN Well I've always been glad not to have to deal with it personally because it does seem to suck, but I'm not sure it's all our fault as a gender. Kelley: So you think women are partially responsible for making their own role in civilization painful. DAN $J €%€%€% Yeah, I guess that doesn't sound right. Kelley: It really doesn't. DAN Well, let's trace this back: stoneage. Kelley: Sucks. DAN Yeah, I'll say. Sh-t, they even put that in cartoons. I never thought about how sick that is... Kelley: What? DAN You know, the caveman clocking a broad on the head with a club and dragging her away to-- Kelley: A what? DAN A broad? Kelley: That's so demeaning. DAN How about "girl"? Kelley: Under 18 that's okay. DAN "Lady". Kelley: In high society. DAN "Chick"? Kelley: Absolutely not. DAN Alright "dame" or something. Kelley: Listen, Dan-- DAN Okay, I'm just messing with you. "Woman" "female" "female human". Can we go on? Kelley: If you're gonna stop being a prick. DAN Yeah, I think I can handle that. Bronze age. ? X Kelley: Bronze Age? Jesus, Dan, we're gonna be here all night. Are the middle ages close enough for you? DAN Well that's fine... Hmmm, middle ages. Dark ages. Stone age or worse, right? Although they did have organized marriage going, so that's kind of an ostensible reservation system. Kelley: Ostensible. DAN Well how about the 1800s? Kelley: Wasn't that when temperance and women's rights started happening in America? $K €%€%€% DAN Well I'm in a band. I wouldn't know about either one of those things, but I'm willing to take your word for it. Kelley: I think that's right. Late 1800s anyway. DAN So things are improving? Kelley: Well not really, but at least there's that sentiment going around. DAN Okay, 1950s. Kelley: Very bad. DAN How so? Kelley: That's when all the architypes froze in. DAN If you're cold, try not to use words like-- Kelley: I'm fine now, thanks. How're doing? DAN I'm thinking about taking my shirt off, but I don't wanna offend you. Kelley: So the 1950s sucked. DAN Why? Kelley: I just told you that's when women were locked into the stereotypes they've been fighting against ever since. DAN Well not to keep an open mind about this or anything, but I think everyone got put in one kind of box or another. I mean it was the 50s for Christ's sake. Look at the pictures. Kelley: The 60s, now that's when things got going. DAN Oh, Jesus. Well that's when people made the most noise, yeah, but-- Kelley: But nothing, Dan, that's when chains were broken. DAN Well all the same, if hippies had kept themselves sober more than half the time, I'd have an easier time believing they actaully knew what they were talking about. How about the 1970s? Kelley: Well that was a step backward. DAN And now? That's what we're leading up to, right? $L €%€%€% Kelley: That's what we're always leading up to. DAN Very clever. Kelley: Now I think pop-culture is taking us back to the stone-age. A beautiful girl will always be viewed as a sex-toy only, and an ugly one has no place in society at all. In a choice between the two, I'm not sure that either one is a brilliant alternative to the other. ... Why can't we live in a world of androginy, Dan? DAN What are you asking me for? Kelley: I thought you were gay. DAN ? I might be gay. Kelley: You don't know for sure? DAN I'm just not ruling it out. You know, like a lot of guys'll just assume that spinach or opera is akin to rashes or the flu because they've just kind of been told that all along and it turns out twenty years down the road they were wrong and they end up eating spinach with everything or writing operas recreationally, and feeling legitimately jacked for all the years they opposed themselves to something they'd never even tried. Well, I just decided at an early age I'm not gonna be one of those guys, so I'm ? p just not not gay neccessarily. Kelley: Well that makes you even more the guy to ask, since you don't even know what side of the plate to swing on. DAN Well, all those issues are pretty confused in my head. I think I was repeatedly dropped as a child. You should ask Paul or something, he's big into that social commentary scene. Kelley: I have talked to Paul about it. According to him, it's at the center of human existance as we know it, and certainly at the root of our emotional patterns. He doesn't think there's much to be done about it, but he said he'd get back to me once he'd found out more. He's a lot deeper and more compassionate than he acts. DAN $M €%€%€% Well he'd have to be merely to qualify as human, but you're right: he'll go to the wire for other people, but he's given up on himself. Whenever I ask him about it he says something about being unrecoverable and changes the subject. I think he feels a little like Franz Kafka trying to make use of his terminal condition by expressing it to the ? @ world. Why didn't you ask him out on this date? He'd be a lot better conversation than I am. Kelley: I think wolves are the only animals that don't make consistent attempts to cast away from them the sick and the dying. As you say, Paul seems to be very sick inside, and it kind of creeps me out. DAN Have you ever talked to him about it? You might be able to help him out. You're a biologist, right? I mean his kind of depression is chemical isn't it? Kelley: I don't know what it is, and I don't know much about it, but I think Paul's torment is the logic to see his situation objectively, but the condemning animal nature to be unable to change the way he feels. I think he needs... I don't know what he needs. DAN I wonder if he does. Kelley: I think he probably does. DAN Now we're talking about Paul. Kelley: Yes we are. DAN We were talking about you. Kelley: Yes we were. DAN Why don't we-- keep doing that. Kelley: Okay. [Pause] DAN So... go for it. Kelley: Alright, well I was born in Clear Brook, Minnesota, but I moved here before I developed an accent. I've always taken school pretty seriously-- I got a full scholarship to $N €%€%€% Harvard University, but I haven't been there long enough to develop an accent either. I do well with forms and through the mail, but when I have to deal with people face to face, that's when everything comes down. DAN I'm surprised you and Gabe didn't hit it off better. That's the story of his life. Kelley: I-- I already told you why Gabe and I didn't hit it off. Do you want me to continue? DAN By all means. I just think it's a bad rap for both of you. You should probably give it more time. Kelley: Maybe. Anyway, once people see my body, it's all over for my mind. Nobody gives a pile of rat sh-t what I think or what plans I have for the future. All I get is a thousand hollow compliments on my looks thinly sheathing the lurid desire to get me into bed. DAN Like Gabe's, basically. Kelley: Yeah, like Gabe. Well, not reall-- I don't-- I really appreciated the hell out of Gabe's honesty, but it doesn't make it possible to just ignore his intentions although he admitted them point-blank even though I respect him for that... I told him all that a couple nights ago. It's not him; I just don't think I'm ready for a relationship with anyone on those terms. He seemed to take it pretty well, I really hope I didn't hurt his feelings or anything. DAN I think he'll feel better if I tell him you said that. He's naturally apprehensive and self-critical, and I take it for granted he thought you were just making something up because in reality you hated his guts. Kelley: Why would he think that? DAN Well, he just got out of a very awkward and unrewarding realtionship with a girl who probably did. You're his second no-hitter inning, but like I said, if I spell it out for him, he probably won't take it so bad. Kelley: He's really not at all a bad guy, I'm sorry to hear things are falling out for him. $O €%€%€% DAN Yeah, well, few people ever are... All bad... Y'know, Kelley, I'm thinking about what you said like a minute ago. You said you weren't ready for a relationship with overtones of physical desire. What kind of relationship are you looking for then? 'Seems to me-- Kelley: No, I meant I didn't want anything to do with a relationship wherein sex was a top priority and platonic respect followed later. I don't have anything wrong with physical affection so long as it doesn't supercede the fundamental non-sexual appreciation everyone deserves as a human being. DAN Alright, well that answers my question. Kelley: Wait. What question? Why? DAN Hey, not like that. Calm down, baby, it's for the records. I was just wondering if I'd always kind of assumed that sex meant anything at all to women and maybe I was wrong from the get go. But you're saying sex does play a role in you're ideal relationship, right? Kelley: Well you're never gonna know, ignatz, and you ? may not call me baby for Christ's own sake, I'm as old as you are and a lot smarter. DAN Boy, if I knew I'd be talking like this tonight, I would have worn my flavored socks. Alright, I let that one slip, but I didn't mean anything by it. Kelley: Maybe not, but look how it illustrates my point. Try and find an epithet for me that ? wouldn't be offensive. DAN Hmm. I guess I see what you're saying... Kelley: No you don't. Just try it. DAN Chief? Kelley: That's really a guy thing, though isn't it? DAN Yeah. Hmm. Pal, buddy, amigo, compadre... All guys, I guess. Amiga? Kelley: In english? DAN Girls... uhhh... Baby, sugar, toots... yikes. Ma'am? $P €%€%€% Kelley: No. DAN I don't know then. Sister? That might work. How about sister? How about Kelley, for crying out loud? Kelley: Whatever. I'm just trying to clarify a cultural railroad for you. I think you understand what I'm trying to say. It's even built into our vocabulary. DAN So's "cannibalism". Kelley: I feel like a decorative bird or a wine-glass with an addimant desire to hold pens. It's not gonna happen because wine glasses already have ? a purpose which isn't to hold pens, but I never asked to be a wine-glass in the first place. It's very frusterating. DAN Well, you know, as a female clay mug people would do everything they could to avoid you completely, though. Even if your genious was recognized, it would never be appreciated. Look at Chelsea Clinton. Does anybody ever ask her what she wants to do or thinks about in life? Hell no. Everytime you hear the poor girl's name it's in connection with some low blow crack on her appearance. Kelley: It's all wrong, it's unfair. It's gotta be the longest-standing injustice in human history next to unanticipated death. DAN I never really considered that an injustice. Kelley: What? DAN Unanticipated death. Kelley: We're like seedless grapes. DAN [Covering his eyes and stretching] Ahhh... No more metaphors! Kelley: The whole purpose of a peice of fruit in the first place-- no, listen to me-- the whole purpose of a grape is to grow into something bigger, but now we're trying to design that potential for growth out, so we won't have to deal with the seeds getting stuck in our teeth when we eat them. Do you understand what I'm trying to say? $Q €%€%€% [Pause] DAN That's deep. Kelley: It is deep, dipsh-t. If you tell me you can't see the sickness in that, I'll kick you're ass. DAN Oooh. Kinky. Kelley: [Hanging her head] It's hopeless. DAN No, seriously. I'm kidding. Don't go away mad. Kelley: Dan, I'm not going anywhere. DAN You are though. People appreciate what you're saying. I do. I never treat women poorly, and I think they have every right to be as asexual and intelligent as the next guy around. Kelley: Except not really. DAN Hey, hey, hey. Go easy! There's a part of me that really believes that. I can't help the half that society's poisoned, but I can nurture the part that's still mine, right? Kelley: Yeah. I guess. DAN Good. Thanks for hearing me out. Kelley: No, thank you, Dan. I've really shared a lot of me with you tonight. I hope you aren't sore that it probably wasn't the parts you were expecting. DAN [Standing up and spreading his arms out] Point to where you think my brain is. Kelley: To be honest, I don't think I've ever shared ? X these feelings with anyone fully before now. Even other women seem resistant to hear me out completely. I guess I've just never talk it out with an addled bi-sexual bass-player before. DAN Sometimes that makes all the difference in the world. Kelley: I think I'm ready to go home now, Dan. I really feel like I've resolved something here. DAN Great, let's not over-stay the finallity then, lest it become the beginning of something else $R €%€%€% (cynically, with no romance in mind) I think el cleches are in your pocket. Kelley: [Fishing around in Dan's jacket] Well, I think there's only one end in life that's not the beginning to something else, but you're a good man, amigo, and I think you'll do well in all the beginnings to come. DAN Well, you're a good man too, sister, and I'm sure you'll do the same. Kelley: What's this? [Kelley produces the Combo-box] Kelley: What's in this? DAN The keys. Kelley: Do we have to know the combo to open it? DAN I guess we do. ? Kelley: Do we know the combo? Composite4: Everyone doing different stuff. Paul(VO): When I think back on the progress man has made throughout written history one statement comes saliently to mind: "Same Gerbil, different ball" and the ball itself is still a ball. Maybe it's got a different brand-name or something and maybe it's got little lights on it; Maybe now it takes batteries, but it's a sphere that rolls around with an animal inside ? it, and nothing can change that. Literally nothing. Which is an indicator that we'd better get used to the way things are. Maybe it sounds like I'm being pessimistic or giving insufficient credit to medical research or an increasing standard of living, but I did mention that the ball is nicer to be in now, and maybe it's getting a little smaller, but the fundamentals will never change and in that ? I at least find great comfort and satisfaction. The rules of living will always be very basic and very real, much in the same way that garlic butter and the supercillious crap you put on escargot can't change the fact that you're eating a snail, but as civilzation proceeds we are faced with an increasing $S €%€%€% challenge. To close the symantic gap 'twixt our heads and our hearts in understanding ourselves better as humans while maintaining the responsibility of citizenship in a global culture much wiser and much kinder than the primordial melee of the jungle. We must learn how best to act on our intellects while remembering how to feel with our instincts, treading carefully lest one should outstrip the other, walking boldly into the future as our kind has done since the dawn of time. One hand on our hearts and one on our heads, and both feet planted firmly in the ground and in the belief that we, as individuals, will never be without family in our humanity.